Lately, every time I sit down to write, I feel like my writing is trash. I can write for a bit. Then I have the urge to go back and read what I’ve written. I have the urge to delete all the new words that I have poured onto the page because they are the worst words to ever have graced the page.
I try to tell myself that this is not true, but it doesn’t help.
It feels like my work needs to be perfect the first time through or it isn’t worth doing. It isn’t worth the time or effort that I’ve put into it. I feel like it’s worthless. Like I’m worthless. This feeling makes sitting down to write…hard.
How do I move forward if I can’t convince myself that the words I put to the page are worthwhile? What’s the point of trying? Why do I even bother? My words— they mean nothing.
Desperate Dee (they/ them)
It can be easy to be swept up into the notion that there is one right way to journey through the Universe. That there is one correct way to keep a grimoire. To expect that all wizards want or need to keep a grimoire. You are mired in the idea of perfection and it is telling you to stand still. Because a statue is still and seems to be perfect.
However, even the most genius of statues still have flaws.
There is no such thing as perfection because to be a person is to be imperfect. To traverse the depths of the Universe requires the courage of heart to accept one’s own imperfections and move forward from there.
Sometimes, traversing the Universe is a complex spell requiring multiple components from various sources that need to be added in the right order. Other times, it is simply lighting a candle and taking a moment to let the Universe know who the candle is burning for and why. Neither activity is better than the other.
When we start to grade our activities, it creates within us a sense of hierarchy that is not supported by the Universe. In nature, the lion is not better than the gazelle. They are different. Each has their own way of being. Their own function in the ecosystem. Your spell work is valuable for itself. Even if the only reason you created a spell was to practice, it is still worthwhile.
Please do not allow the demons from within to destroy your sense of wonder in rambles through the Universe. However you choose to traverse the marvels of this existence, please do not feel like your choices are less than. Those are the lies of your inner demons, which wish you to stop.
There is no reason to stop roaming and exploring the Universe, even as you do it imperfectly. It is better than not trying at all. So many hold back for fear of getting it wrong. You can do it. Your work has value. As do you.